it's not a secret anymore

A Moment Later

2007-03-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

This blog site has been permantely updated and moved to:

"it's not a secret anymore" http://itsnotasecretanymore.my-expressions.com/

Please bookmark my new site and stop by often - I so enjoy your visits!

From Here to Forever

2007-02-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to die with dignity, saved from the shame and humiliation I brought upon myself,

but He wanted so much more for me.

He wanted to save me from the death of my sins, my helplessness, my errors, my misguided way.

He wanted to give me joy I never imagined and a spot next to our heavenly Father.

I wasn't just saved from myself, I was spared from a hellish demise to be set free into eternity.

Of Sabbath Day

2007-02-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

What keeps me away from Love?

Thru the Front Door

2007-02-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Guilt and Shame = Forgiveness and Humility

An Opening

2007-02-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

Please, Lord, may I please you, Lord,

please you, please you,

please, please, please, Lord please.

Cold Nights, Warm Days

2007-01-31T14:20:00.000-07:00

Dark thoughts, secrets memories slip in without much warning.

A quick turn to notice them and their shadows are immediately lost to the Light.

For they cast down every man his rod, and they became
serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.
Exodus 7:12

Success and Wealth

2007-01-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

If you are waiting for God to give you whatever YOU want,

then you have no need for religion.

Accept is to not Reject

2007-01-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

There is nothing between me and Thee.

The Return III

2007-01-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

When I come home to Him again, there is a great reunion.

In Wait II

2007-01-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

I cry of loneliness but I know I must wait for His call.

On Journey I

2007-01-14T18:08:00.000-07:00

He sends me away, I don't always know why.

Don't Look Back

2007-01-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

Run for you life!

Turn away from trouble, to a higher place.

Leave it quickly, don't delay, keep eyes straight ahead.

The life you never dreamed you could have is waiting to receive you.

But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of
salt.
Genesis 19:26

Beyond Feelings

2007-01-11T15:54:00.000-07:00

There are those who simply do not want to believe.

Then there are those who want to KNOW; these become seekers. They journey until they find their answers.

Staying on the Upper Layers

2007-01-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

Do not faSINate over the ways and wonders of darkness. You will never get to the bottom of it. It serves only to pull you further away from Him.

Oh Lord, what beauty do you hold for me today?

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the
face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Genesis 1:3,4

Don't Give Up

2006-12-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

One thing you can always count on -

evil will always forsake you,

but He never does.

Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultry with
her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds.

The First and the Last

2006-12-28T18:31:00.000-07:00

Born again.

Not picking up where I left off.
Not working through the past.
Not recovering and continuing on.

Born again.
Start over; a fresh, a new, from the very first, the beginining.
Like a child, like a babe, an infant unfolding.

Born again.
The past slips away and the start comes into being.

Eyes focus upward; before is no more.

Letting In, Giving Out

2006-12-28T17:53:00.001-07:00

Sound downloaded from http://freesound.iua.upf.edu, organ moving.wav by patchen

No Secret Place

2006-12-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

If you're church does not hold you accountable for your actions, who will?

You will through HIM.

Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all
things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.

Speaking into Darkness

2006-12-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

It breaks my heart the way they despise You.

Partial Resistance

2006-12-06T11:06:00.000-07:00

Up until now I split myself.
This cannot go on.

The calling is loud and clear.

Dreaming to be Special

2006-12-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

I can act it up,
I can talk it up,
I can dress it up -
but it doesn't mean a thing.

You want me just the way I AM.

Parcel Post

2006-11-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

I dreamed I crawled into a small dark space to carefully pack up my belongings.

When I was done, I sent them away knowing I'd never get them back again.

That's when I realized I no longer miss myself.

Nothing to Hide

2006-11-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

Silent rage or quiet contemplation? You can tell what someone thinks by what they don't say.

The way I feel, how I live - things that reveal my heart and soul. Can I find it within myself not to resist You?

While we look not a the things which are seen, but at the things
which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the
things which are not seen are eternal.

Carpentry 101

2006-11-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

My edges are ragged, torn, chipped and broken.
Resistance cuts, burns, scratches and wears my surface away.

Next to You, my efforts are useless to Your smoothing, gentle strength.
You come with Your tools and fix me; so much work to be done, so very much.

You do Your best work when I'm too tired to push. How You bring out the beauty I never see myself.

Yellow Plastic

2006-11-13T14:46:00.000-07:00

I despise the black hole of agony.
I despise the gray face of denial.
I despise the brown filth of suffering.
I despise the crimson sharpness of pain.

I adore the white light of joy.
I adore the red affection of hope.
I adore the green edge of truth.
I adore the blue depth of faith.

How can I be lost in a pit of darkness as long as
I can reach out towards the beautiful light?

What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are not ashamed?
for the end of those things is death.

Lovers Need Time

2006-10-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

You know every dark hole and gaping crack.
You work Your brilliant light in even the tiniest hairline fracture that seems invisible to all but You.

Every love song, poem or letter was meant for You only.

And if it is good and right, You deliver it in this most beloved Way.

The Love that Lasts

2006-10-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

It's too late, I cannot turn away from You any longer; and believe me I've tried. You've made me more of an outsider then I already am, but I can't bear to not have You in my life.

And just when I forget You are there, You prove yourself to me over and over again. I'm riveted by Your word, I can't seem to forget You.

I think about You everyday. And no matter how much I adore You, it never tires You out, in fact You love me even more.

Even when I start to drift back to my old ways, there You are to save me from myself. When the rest of the world hates me, You show how Your love is deeper then my pain.

You tell me things no one has ever said to me before, and You explain how my sorrow is the path of compassion.

You've taken me out of this world and into your own, there is no going back. How could I ever step away from You, and why would I ever want to?

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

Beyond the Edge of Everyday

2006-10-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

Deep, intense, intimate, human; lies and betrayal, selfish lust, total destruction,

Wounded pride, thwarted desires. What Love? human love, false love.

Where do you find the Love you longed for all of your life?

True Love, His Love; fulfillment, endless satisfaction, never harms and always gives, higher and higher, deeper and deeper, forever and ever.

Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken and the other left.
Two men shall be in the field; the one shall be
taken, and the other left.

Leaving to Arrive

2006-10-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

Change, what keeps me back from the final step? I want to go forward, give it all up until there is nothing left of me.

What commitment, what stress, what pain to give up the things I love for the One I Love?

Change, they don't always want me to do it, but I am going to anyway. Cause I know there is no other way, it's all or nothing.

He calls to me. Immerse yourself, child. Don't look back, leave it all behind.

I let Him love me, every bit belongs to Him.

And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine will burst the bottles, and be spilled, and the bottles shall perish. But new wine must be put into new bottles; and both are preserved.

Lost then Found

2006-09-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

I used to be in hell.

Then I was in an isolated desert.

After that I was a drift at sea.

Now I'm in a loving family with caring people all around me.

He came and rescued me, He found and saved me.

He did, not anyone or anything else, only Him.

Falling Back, Reaching Up

2006-09-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

My old sins are falling out, reaching out, crying out.

Dangerous traps are set all around me.

How full of guilt am I, Father. I'm so ashamed.

I answer only to You, only to You.

Let me rest in your big arms. Save me again and again and again.

And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but
on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind to powder.

Inclined to Fail

2006-09-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

Practice doing right, staying straight, turning away from wrong. It's hard to do but it can be done, but you must practice.

Practice being humble, being low, being totally empty; then completely open up.

Practice everyday, every minute.

Practice the Truth, knowing your are nothing without it.

Practice through constant study, thought and daily activity. Stay with it, accept the unimaginable gifts.

It takes practice, or it will leave you in a moment. Focus and stay clear, you always have a choice of being Here, or being back there again.

Practice, practice, practice.

No man can serve two masters: for either
he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and
despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Fighting Myself without Me

2006-09-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

You stand in defiance,
full of force and ready to take over.

You want it all,
and you're ready to do what it takes.

Tense and willful, you hold onto your finest moment.

Anger fuels your frustrated purpose -
I do not engage with you.

The harder it is, the harder you try,
My sweet surrender leaves no one to fight.

I dissolve into light, you fall into the hard darkness, again.

The Low Life

2006-08-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

Lord, please do not let me get too high, that I cannot see you and there's only me.

Lord, please drain me of my confidence, my haughty pride, my righteousness, so I remain empty that only your desire may fill me.

Lord, please keep me low, keep me weakened, keep me dumb that I cannot believe in anything other then you.

Lord, please make me naive to the ways of the world, yet do not let anyone question my closeness to you, Father.

A Spiritual Affair

2006-08-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

If I love only You, and no one else - will that be okay?

If I only want to be where You are, missing You when I am gone - can I come right back to You as soon as I have the chance? Will You still be there?

If it is You I want to be with, above anyone else - will You let me love You like that?

If I love You intensely, intimately, profoundly - can I give You all of myself?

If I keep You with me at all times, alive in my breath, deep in my heart, close to my mind - will You stay with me always?

If I can't live without You, Your presence, Your spirit, Your touch - would You forever fill me?

Lord, how I love You.

I Don't Believe in War

2006-08-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

I've never been in War before. The air assault is frightening. I run and hide, waiting. No place seems safe, nothing seems right. Nausea, dizziness, confusion. Get up - no, it's too soon. Can't think yet. Now the ground troops come in; careful or they'll find me. My eyes water but I cannot cry. Just wait and wait, still knowing He holds my hand.

The Gap Between Me and You

2006-07-31T16:00:00.000-07:00

They say You want everything.

If I give You my life, my loves, my children, my will - is that enough? In my weakness I feel You.

I know how wonderful You are, all You have given me is undeniable.

Yet there is a part of me that wants to hold on to my selfishness. The habitual pulls me away from all that You are.

And now I have to choose between You and this life that is so empty without You.

I know only You can save me, I know you want to.

It is me that holds back in the shadows when I know all I have to do is take Your warm, giving hand.

Untouchable

2006-07-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

If you were of divine blood, how would you conduct yourself?

Would you turn away from worthless tempation, greed and lustful desire?

Would you let go of all the anger, frustration and the tendency of your will?

Would you surrendar everything you love knowing all your needs will be provided?

Would you honor His gracious choice to choose you as His child, expecting the best from you, even though you have failed countless times before?

Would you accept His neverending faith in you, although you may, at times, doubt your belief in Him?

Would you humbly accept all His wonderful gifts including His desire for the best for you?

If you were the child of God, could you do all these things? Would you?

What keeps you?

Stop Loving the Pain

2006-07-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

The pain, the trouble, the misery - keeps me from You.

Fighting my fight, demanding my way, pushing my will; You remain elusive.

Weak and beaten, head to the ground, what's left?

When it all falls away, I turn and see only You before me.

Submerge, Re-Emerge

2006-07-02T16:59:00.000-07:00

I used to be a fighter. If you swing you'll only feel air.
Give up, give out, give in; no more conflict.
Beat down, worn down, calm down; no resistence.

I'm drifting so softly, so slowly, so serene -
guide me along this soothing Way, in Him I do trust.

Pure Water

2006-06-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

Closer and closer, deeper and deeper.
Lost and uncertain, I feel Him next to me.
Fear melts away as He carries me.

I rest in His arms, such beautiful peace.

Red Flower, Dead Flower

2006-06-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

Fever is rising,
burning up anger -

I enjoyed the comfort of suffering.

Pride is exposed,
Now I Reap what I Sow.

You Deserve

2006-06-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

Half in/half out, half dark/half light, half bad/half good.
Half wanting more/half backing off.
Half-hearted, half-willed, half-committed.

Comprimise and get less.

Take the path, all the way Home.

A Daily Choice

2006-06-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

Am I dying in your eyes, in your thoughts, in your life?
Am I alive in Light, in Truth, in Love?

What do you reflect back when you look out? Living or dying?

Passing by the Everday

2006-05-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

I've been set adrift for such a long time.
Sometimes I weather the storm, other times I merely float.

Slip down, into the deep, dark sea.
Turn upward, sky blue heaven.

Beyond survival, I choose.
He warms my face in comfort and fills me with trust.

And then there is no place else I'd rather be.

You Belong Here

2006-05-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

Barren land, no one. How well you have adapted.
You find the vessel he left you, empty and coated with mud.
You throw it in the pile, it cracks as easily as the others.

Wandering, wondering, waiting. Warm breeze renews you.
This seemingly hostile land becomes comfortable and right.
You have nothing and everything at the same time. Your Trust provides all your needs.

You Know Where to Find Me

2006-05-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

Warm wind swirls by, alone in the barren land.
Looking around, it's all gone, nothing left. Only me here.
Then I see, it was just me the whole time.
A breeze wraps around me, the land goes forever.
Heat as warm as blood, soaks in.
Words pour out like water, which I can afford to spill.
I go into town to take care of things, but this is where I LIVE.

No More Waiting in the Shadows

2006-05-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

Run, it follows. Move faster, it nears.

You turn to face your biggest fear.

Fierce, hissing and spitting. You watch, stunned to know that it was in you all the time.

It writhers and screams, pathetic moans.

You're not scared anymore, now that you can see it. Crying for it's life, it doesn't want to die.

The sword in your hand, you prepare to inflict the lethal blow.

You won't miss all the pain and destruction.

In Exile

2006-04-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

I'm in the trenches.
I'm hiding out. I'm not running.

I'm standing still. I'm waiting.
Waiting until it's safe.

I'm being patient, but I'm not patient.

I'm waiting for word. I don't want to get hit again.
It's hurting too much to keep taking it.

I'm not going to run, or even stand up anymore.

I'll just stay here for now.
I'll keep my head down.

I admit, I've had enough.

My faith remains in tact.

A Meaningful Gesture

2006-04-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Flower exposes itself in weakness and vulnerability.
Fragile and defenseless, yet uninhabited and giving.
Teach me the way of Trust.

Coming Together

2006-04-20T15:01:00.000-07:00

Who I AM has nothing to do with who I want to be.
No longer an image, now I AM a solid force.

Always More

2006-04-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

You are the highest limb, I watch you everyday.
Even when the wind and the rain batter you, you persist and pervail.

You are the perfect beauty of shadow and light, yet you go by unnoticed.

You reach upward pulling, stretching, effortlessly.
You are not competitive, though you are the most high, but always inspirational.

You point to the path from earth to heaven.

You never stop growing, never stop glowing.
Your Love is never ending.

Sky Blue, Sky Bright

2006-04-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

My need to love you more and more

never ends yet is always satisfied.

Though you cannot be consumed, you

always fill my compelling desire.

Perfect Timing

2006-04-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

How can I want this? He gives what He wants for me.
If He does not give it, then I shall not want it.
If He does not want this for me, then He will not give it. I do not want what He does not give.

To want more is to know trouble.

Sanctified with Love

2006-03-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

The godless glance back, always checking for despair to come and take their happiness.

The God-filled do not fear, joy rules, even when shadows pass over, despair doesn't root in His fertile soil.

Hopeth all, Endureth all

2006-03-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

How the young limb reaches up, up, up

so seemingly weak and thin, as if

it can hardly survive the exposure.

Nothing stops it in it's mission,

it stretches with all it's might,

as if being instinctively called upward,

it knows where the Father lives,

as do all the children.

Your Love is Ecstasy

2006-03-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

Cleansed from darkness,
radiating light -

shadows cross not my path,
if so, I step over.

You are the Brother I never had,
I am the sister that Loves you.

How much I missed before You came to me.

Step Away from the Suffering

2006-02-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

Darkness calls, I don't answer.

Light moves across, dries away the cold.

Close my eyes, dampness drains.

Open my eyes, shadows fall away to brightness.

Not Winning Isn't Losing

2006-02-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

Publically, I exhalted myself. Privately, I destroyed myself.
Always wanting to win the unbeatable.

Outside, I'm here. Inside, I AM.
No less no more, with me again.

When Faith Lasts

2006-02-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

When it's bad, beg and beg. If

it's good then anything? No, nothing.

Who do you belong? Trust yourself, to what

ends? How long before you don't get up again.

Of Myself I Know Nothing

2006-02-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

I've given all, what's left?

There's more. What's most difficult to let go.

Something, that led me.

Vehicle of destruction, untie the cords.

First mistake was right. Second mistake was wrong.

I want to live, Living God.

The Place of Worship

2006-02-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

Brick by brick, building slowly, carefully.

Stumble, fall, get back up again.

Seems I'll never make it,

but I know. What force wants to destroy

me? What force will keeps me alive instead. I'm tired, let

me rest. I can still feel who I AM. The spark flames up again.

In The House

2006-02-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

My faith is tested. You'll do

anything to keep

me in

the darkness.

I won't go, not anymore. It's not my

place, and you don't belong. Cross,

to welcome.

Lessons of Childhood

2006-02-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

Early on I must have learned that pain always

precedes pleasure, so I came to not only endure

the suffering, but expect it too. I'd always take

the misery to be able to satisfy the temptation, short

lived as it ever was.

Being Made

2006-02-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

Victim or violator, which one do you want to be?

Victim becomes violator, sooner or later.

The violator loses control again, and falls away to her own despair.

Victim or violator, which do you prefer?

Step out of the loop, admit the truth about yourself.

The lies they tell

2006-01-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to deny who I am anymore.
I'm not going to be shamed into thinking I'm not right.
They want me to think I don't know what I'm doing, that I need their help.
And all these years, I bought into it.

Good mother's always say so

2006-01-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

When a child does something wrong, it is the parent to suffer, the parent to blame. That is the lot of being a parent. A good parent has admirable kids, a bad parent has shameful kids. My mom had the best kids. Everybody knew it, because she said it was so.

Whatever mistakes I made as a child, they were MY mistakes, not hers. That was our secret, my mistakes, but OUR secret.

No one ever needed to know the truth about me, or the lies about her.

Music Lessons

2006-01-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

My mother is a shrewd, cunning, suspicious person.

She has never trusted anyone in her life.

She is an aggressive, defensive lady who never let anyone get the best of her.

She is always in control, manning the situation.

She cannot be easily fooled.

Until now, I always thought what happened was an honest mistake.

Preface

2006-01-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever, I caught a glimpse of it.

I had no idea it was there, I never noticed it, never recognized it.

For a moment I could feel the faint touch of pain, like a real deep-rooted suffering. It was so far in it became lost inside of me.

I guess that was when I thought maybe everything wasn't always alright. I know there were times when it was okay, but other times it just wasn't.

They would convince me that it was all well and good, otherwise I wouldn't have hung around to take it. In the end I figured it out but by then they were done with me anyway.

I could only see the tip. It scared me to think how much must be there. The thought of letting it all out was overwhelming.

But now I know, I know it's there. I know where it came from, and all the time it took to build it up.

As sad as it seems, it gives me the most profound hope.

The Next Page

2006-01-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

Oh my lovers,

how can I let you go?

All my lovers,

so rich is your life within me,

to be the saddest loss.

My lovers,

what will it take for me to set you adrift

from conscious thought, endearing gestures and luscious pleasures?

This is sad, but you must go,

I held on to you because I loved to, but

you should be long gone, this is no place for you.

Away lovers, go

away, lovers.

Page One

2006-01-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

I've been abusing myself.

I've stoned myself, hit and kicked, bit and spat, pushed and shoved, yelled and screamed at myself all day and all night.

I've denied my vary thoughts, my deepest desires, my own wishes. I've abandoned myself, demeaned and humiliated, teased and tore myself to bits.

I've completely betrayed who I was, distancing myself from my own past.

I broke my own will, until there was nothing left but desperate remains, gasping for life,

but I never gave it a second chance.

I completely turned myself away, left my will to crumble -

then embraced the Truth of who I AM.

No roles to play, no labels to fill

2006-01-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

We are all just brothers and sisters, we
only owe each other love; nothing
more, nothing less.

I want to go into the desert

2006-01-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

Loving others is easy, it's trying not to dislike them that is hard for me.

Saying no to myself

2006-01-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

Today I realized the reason why I loved you so much was because you represented all the things I hated about myself.

The pain you don't feel

2006-01-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

It's the thing that you want the most that can kill you.

Beyond belief

2006-01-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

The pain that you can't feel is the pain that does the most harm.

In the mist

2006-01-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

Believe, beyond belief; beyond words, beyond thoughts,

Believe like you know what you don't know, like its inside you, a part of you,

and you can't distinguish it from yourself, anymore.

Siren wail

2005-12-31T13:13:00.000-07:00

Suffer for the beauty of the experience

and moving beyond it.

Suffer no more

2005-12-29T01:20:00.000-07:00

Love can love pain, but

pain does not know how to love.

The warm lit sky

2005-12-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

I thought I had to go through the same old rough neighborhood to get to where I wanted to be, for which I never was allowed to stay for long.

I didn't know then that there is a better way to a paradise I never could've imagined.

Rumbles

2005-12-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

He had another idea for me, to have a love like I've never had before.

He wants me to stop using my past as a point of reference.

This was something true and beyond what I've ever known.

It made the wait worthwhile.

Well, it's sort of ...

2005-12-17T18:06:00.000-07:00

If you think this is anything less then a selfish mode of expression, you're right.

If you think this anything more then a sincere need to share something deep and personal, you're right again.

How deep does it go?

2005-12-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

The pain drips, slowly, steadly, persistently.

Who will stop it?

You will, cause you know better, cause you can,

Because you are it.

Yours to keep

2005-12-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

Surrender, not to lose -

Surrender to win back your freedom,

and the love you crave.

Heavy

2005-12-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

Secrets live in darkness.

Love cannot thrive in the dark.

Surrendering to the

2005-12-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

Breathe in,
He touches me.

Breathe out,
He moves through me.

Breathe in,
He touches me.

Breathe out,
He completes me.

Breathe in,
He touches me.

Breathe out,
He loves me.

Not lonely

2005-12-03T16:50:00.000-07:00

The single pebble,
The rock's diamond glint,
The bird's shadow -

they tell me it's all true.

Inside the outside

2005-12-02T15:02:00.000-07:00

I made a mistake, a mistake with meaning.

Contained within, I looked only just beyond, there was the answer.

You are with me

2005-11-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

On my own, my imagination can't reach that high.

Everyday I'm taken beyond my capabilities.

Touching place

2005-11-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'm taken up like an old quilt,

faith is all I have and it fills me.

The truth revealed

2005-11-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

Speak with love in your heart

and anguish has nothing to hold onto.

You'll get what you ask for

2005-11-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

My will says "I want this in my life."

No.

Then, He points and says, "Notice her."

Yes.

In the wilderness

2005-11-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

Resist, your thoughts are confused.

Resist, you can't see clearly.

Resist, your actions are anxious.

Resist, you feel out of control.

Resist, and live in confinement.

Resist not, free yourself.

Shifting places

2005-11-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to realize I can't be like everyone else, anymore.

That's okay, I'm fine right here, for now.

Emptied

2005-11-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, it was about what I wanted.

Now, it's just me, here.

Begin again.

Cloudy day

2005-11-06T17:28:00.000-07:00

With all the difficuties I've had with others, no one has ever treated me as bad as I have treated myself.

WAIT

2005-11-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

Doubts creep in, wherever a crack appears, it crawls in, the finest line cannot be sealed.

Fear seeps in, like a cold blood staining the soul, soaking through with reckless uncertainty, there in waiting.

Despair crawls in, like the ugly crawling insect of black consciousness, it runs through without permission.

Trouble slips in, right where you are standing, knocking you off your place, stealing the moment, tripping you up.

Your enemies conspire against you, in the slightest weakness, pouncing at any possible chance.
They rise up inside and threaten to engulf, you let them, they swell inside and push out in darkness to cover your very spirit, they push and pull against you waiting for you to topple, to fall, to split into pieces.

Nothing takes, but shallow discontent, dissolves into emptiness, then Truth flows upward and out in golden sweetness, and light glows into the corners to show its power, while Love asserts itself, and you are saved again, and again, and again.

From point A to point B

2005-10-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

You cry cause you are leaving your old self.

You cry to mourn your past, your old ways.

You cry for the people you will grow away from.

You cry for fear of the unknown.

You cry for the loves, the lives, the fun, the pain you once felt -

You cry cause you are so happy to leave it all behind.

Traveling again

2005-10-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

Get off the train and walk,
walk this path.
Don't race ahead, don't lag
behind, just walk, enjoy the journey.

You may stumble, you may fall, but at least
you're still here and you only have to get up
and walk again.

Sometimes it's a hard, rocky way, other times
it's sweet, beautiful land. Keep going, it gets
better and better, everyday.

Some will walk ahead of you, some will
be behind, others are to the sides of you, enjoy
the company as they come and go.

Walk this path, just walk it. Don't stop
too long or wander off. Keep up the pace, feel
alive and love the journey.

There it is

2005-10-18T12:04:00.000-07:00

The treshold awaits, do I dare cross over? or do I stand back in fear?

The momentum keeps me moving on, knowing this is what I've always wanted

Can't stop it now.